Sunday, April 1, 2012

Personal note.


These are a few of the games I'm not playing.  

I love my games library. It's... sizable - and I love the look on people's faces when they see it - but lately, when I open it up to fetch out a game I find myself struck by all the titles above, and more.  All these wonderful games I encouraged you to check out, but which I generally stopped playing the instant the review was writ.  

I have a shitload of games - and I never play them - and lately, when I open my library, it's starting to really bother me. 

Whenever I have some time, I find myself playing the game(s) I should be playing.  I'm playing Ninja Gaiden Sigma Plus and Shinobido 2 and Sumioni: Demon Arts on the Vita, 'cause I should get some reviews up for those... but I find I have no idea what I want to be playing.  

It's not something I've asked myself in a long time.  


Kayla's car lacks an MP3/audio jack, so I burn CDs for her.  The latest one has a few tracks from Wet on it - which got me thinkin', I'd love to get back into that game.  I found Bionic Commando for five bucks at EB the other day, and snagged that for her and her brother - I should give that a swing as well... 

A friend at work, the other day, asked me if I was interested in being part of his Red Dead Redemption posse, and I looked at him like he was insane.  "I can't," I told him, "I don't play the games I want to - I play the games I have to, so I can write about 'em for the blog."

...which is true.  I don't think I've ever mentioned it in this space, but the blog is often a full-time job I work at after I come home from my actual job.  


I play a ton of games, but - beyond that initial burst of playing them and moving on - I don't really get the chance to enjoy them.  I'm not saying I take less pleasure in playing games - just that there are many, many games I wish I could snuggle down with and play, but don't have the time to.  

I'm not trying to complain, here.  This is a cage of my own design - I kept on pushing myself to write more and more reviews every year, to cover more and more - to have a more comprehensive, well-informed perspective on gaming.  But that, it turns out, comes with a price. 

It would be different if I was, say, retired.  Or if playing and writing about games actually was my job - but between the actual job and this one, I just... don't have the time to enjoy my library as much as I'd like.  

Lately I've found myself thinking about some unknowable time in the future, when I can just kick back and play through my PS3 library at a leisurely, pleasurable pace.  


That time could be now.  

I could be strolling through Resonance of Fate instead of scratching myself on the sharp, uncouth edges of Shinobido 2... and I have no idea why I'm not.  

It's April 1st (no, this isn't an April Fools post - in case you were wondering) - three months into 2012 - and I've written twelve reviews.  That's one review a week.  

That's insane.  I don't know how the fuck I did it ...and I don't know what I should do.  


Despite my (perhaps foolish) ambitions, the blog is a comprehensive journal of my time with gaming.  In that, at least, it's a success.  

Were I to abandon my current tack and only purchase, play and review games I was absolutely dying to play - filling in the void elsewhere with game diaries and reflections and retrospectives as I backstroke through my library - it would remain such a journal.  

It's just My Life in Gaming, really - no matter how many new reviews I try to bust out.  

I don't know.  Perhaps I'm just feeling selfish.  

6 comments:

  1. Be selfish. If memory serves, this blog was an exercise for you to get back into writing. In that, it's been a resounding success. I've bought at least three older, over-looked games on the strength of your reviews. I'm playing Odin Sphere right now because of your enthusiasm for Vanillaware. If you do a second, or third, run-through of inFamous 2, I'll be happy to read about it; just to see what I might have overlooked. Posse up for Red Dead Redemption? Send me a friend request. Two years later, it's still just as fun to be a cowboy.

    Which is really my point. Have fun. Play the games you want to play. The AAA(A) blockbuster new releases will get plenty of attention elsewhere.

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  2. There is nothing wrong with talking about old(ish) games.

    If you ever make the change in focus and need another person on staff, you know where to find me.

    I'd even clean up my language just for you.

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  3. You owe yourself another playthrough of Valkyria Chronicles. I know I'm gearing up for my third (or is it fourth now?) pretty soon. It's been too long.

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  4. I found this absolutely vicious difficulty mod for Bioshock 2 that made it one of the most white-knuckled survival horror games I own.

    Hacks bring prices down to normal levels, big daddies and brutes have four times as much health,and loot is completely random instead of secretly helpful.

    glorious.

    it went from a game i put down for a good seven months to one i see myself playing once a year for a very VERY long time.

    I know you're PS3 centric, but if you ever find yourself as cheap as i am, the PC has some very creative ways to stretch your budget.

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  5. I'm in agreement with the others. The reason I fell in love with this blog in the first place was because of your passion for gaming. And it went beyond that because you didn't focus on gaming alone. You wrote about movies and shows and anime and manga, and as I recall a book or two as well. You wrote about what you wanted to write about instead of what you thought you should write about. Things that interested you, not things you felt you should be interested in.

    This was a different place back then. It was a blog about what you enjoyed, which happened to be mostly gaming, but it's turned into a blog mostly about gaming, not all of which you enjoy. I miss the old Games of Chance.

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